MOVING TO SUBSTACK

 HI!!!

Happy 2025! We are moving to sub stack. I have created sections over at my author sub stack to cover the topics I discuss here. 

https://authorrhondamarie.substack.com/

You can follow there, and the various sections are listed at the top of the page! 

INTERACTIONS ON THE INTERNET + A HISTORY LESSON

 

me + Sue circa 2020

This morning on Threads, I entered a conversation about piracy. When I shared something that I've seen A LOT of people share someone came in and told me all the reasons I was wrong for saying what I said. 

My immediately response was to defend myself, but after one response it became clear that this individual was in no way wanting to have a conversation about what she found offensive (a quote I'd used that I've seen others say) or about the original piracy conversation. This person blocked me, which is also great. People should block anyone they dislike or don't wish to see on their social media.  

However, the whole interaction has me thinking. 

This is one of those things on the internet where one person says something and another person immediately comes in with all of their statements about why they are correct without looking at any of the nuance or just immediately intending to talk down to the person they're responding to. In this instance I was quoting that people defending piracy say something like, "what about people in third world countries? They deserve to read too." This person immediately said it is wrong to say third world countries. 

And yes, (history lesson incoming) the phrase is actually archaic as it does not fit the original definition. The original phrases were part of The Three World Model. This came about during the Cold War as a way to tell who was allied with who. The US + allies were known as First World, while the Soviet + allies were Second World, and the remaining countries that were not aligned with either were Third World. These were not economic classifications but rather political.

Over time, Third World became a way to categorize economically poor and non-industrialized countries. In many circles this term is not pejorative and is synonymous with developing countries. In some areas for some scholars, the term developing countries is pejorative and they feel inaccurate. As it denotes that "developed countries" are the ideal when the truth is not there. The terms Global North and Global South were also explored with the connotation that the Global South was made up of economically disadvantaged and developing countries, but this is not accurate as many economically advantaged countries are in the Global South and vice versa.  

The truth is that sweeping generalized terms will never be accurate for everyone or agreed upon for everyone. When I personally talk about countries, I just use the name of the country. If I'm referencing a region, then I reference the region geographically. When I reference what someone else said I quote it, even if it's not the best term. I think it's because of my background in academic writing where individuals know that using direct quotes might mean using offensive words and do not take it to mean that the person writing is okay with those terms. Whereas on the internet, everyone is subjected to some sort of weird critique by every single other person on the internet. 

Anyway, it was just something I was pondering this morning and my personal blog is a good way for me to just sort of talk myself through things as well as share some fun facts with the world! 

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IN WHICH I WRITE A MEMOIR

 

Loki + me

circa 2017

In the course of my life the relationships I've had with men have been tumultuous. I haven't made the best decisions when it came to the men I spent time with or that I allowed to have far more control than they should have in my life. 

I had started writing out these stories as a way to look at my decisions and figure out why I kept falling into this sort of unhealthy trap. I shared a few of these stories, and everyone said, "you should publish this." And so over the past few years, I've been working on these stories; eventually, they'll be published. 

The reason it's taken me years to work on these is that in many of the "chapters" it takes me to a place where I was in unhealthy, often violent, relationships. Although I am in a really good place now, remembering these past incidents does still hurt. I work on it when I am in a good headspace, and I set it aside when I am not. 

That's not to say that every chapter is bad!

I am including non-romantic relationships as well, so the chapters where I talk about my Papaw or my Uncle Ronnie are absolutely delightful. But for the most part the chapters are a little dark. It definitely will not a light read, but it will offer a glimpse inside of someone else's mind and life. That's one of the reasons I love reading memoirs. I think they make us feel less alone, and they give us some kind of understanding about others and the decisions they face. 

It's easy to sit back and judge me for my choices without understanding the situations I was in. We never know another until we walk a mile in their shoes, right? Memoirs afford us that opportunity. 

I will keep everyone updated on when this will come out, and make sure to follow my author pages as well. You can find those links and more HERE!

IN WHICH I TALK ABOUT HALLOWEEN MEMORIES

 

me + Jakob 2000

I have always loved Halloween, and when I had a baby I was very excited about sharing that fun holiday with him. Obviously, I dressed him as a pumpkin for his first Halloween because that's a rite of passage for all babies I think.

Then he was (in no particular order): a dinosaur, a giraffe, Captain Jack Sparrow, a military guy, Jason from Friday the 13th, a zombie, Edward Cullen, and I can't even remember everything else. 

Of course, when he was little we would go with cousins to trick or treat. It was always a ton of fun. We would also go to all the haunted trails that central gulf coast Florida had to offer. Although J was just a little one, he really loved them. I think mostly seeing me super scared was what he was laughing at! 

When we moved to Oklahoma we would have Halloween parties for the kids at our house. We did different themes, like Haunted Circus or Scary Movies. I would make tons of food that was themed, play games, and just in general let the kids have fun. 

There was never a year we didn't carve pumpkins and try out some special carving. Occasionally they worked, but often they did not. But we had so much fun doing it. 

The haunted house tradition continued in Oklahoma as well. J and I went through them all. Sometimes we would be so freaked out by the time we reached the front of the line we'd have to talk ourselves into it. Once we got inside, J would be absolutely fine, but me? No way. I get scared sitting here typing about it. But I kept going because he loved it. 

I still love Halloween. 

It's a little bittersweet at times when I think about the memories, but last year my mom came out and we had a pumpkin carving contest with my nieces at the judges (I won.), went to a haunted cornfield with three haunted houses in it, and just in general ate a lot of candy and had fun watching scary movies. 

What's your favorite holiday? Let me know in the comments and make sure to click HERE to follow me on social media. 

IN WHICH WE TALK ABOUT HALLOWEEN MOVIES

 

Anyone who knows me knows that I love Halloween. I love haunted houses, despite the fact that I get so scared I almost cry. I love pumpkin patches and apple picking. All the fall smells and sights just make my very soul filled with utter joy. 

I also love Halloween movies. 

BUT I am not the biggest horror movie gal. Honestly, if it's gory or a lot of psychological terror then I'm out. 

But give me a Disney Halloween movie any day of the week. I watch some of these every single year! Here's my list of MUST watch Halloween movies! 

• Hocus Pocus
• Halloweentown
• The Corpse Bride
• Frankenweenie
• Casper
• Sleepy Hollow 
• Coraline
• Beetlejuice
• The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown
• Practical Magic
• The Haunted Mansion
• Goosebumps
• Coco
• Ghostbusters
• Scooby Doo
• Hubie Halloween

Do you like gory or are you like me: scary lite?

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IN WHICH WE TALK ABOUT LIST MAKING FOR ANXIETY

 

List making and listing things soothe my anxious mind. 

I started list making awhile back in a variety of ways to help me deal with my anxiety and bipolar. I was finding that my bipolar was causing me to have severe issues with focus. I started making lists of "must dos" so that I could focus more easily and stay on target. That's one way I use lists. To accomplish tasks and stay productive. 

Another method of list making is the 5 things method, where during high anxiety you list five things you can see, touch, smell, taste, hear. This brings you back to the present and helps stop your mind from spiraling. This one helps me quite a bit when I can calm down enough to use it. 

If my anxiety is just particularly bad to the point where my thoughts are becoming obsessive then I will do trivia lists. I will try to name things that I don't really know super well in order to distract and make my brain concentrate in other areas. I usually will enlist the help of someone else in these. The other night during commercial breaks (thanks Amazon) I listed NFL football teams for each state for my boyfriend. 

I like to use lists to keep my mind away from obsessive thoughts and use as a way to put more positive things into it. Here are some examples of lists you could write to help you!

• favorite movies
• favorite books
• places you want to visit
• people you've helped
• adventures you've had
• favorite songs
• favorite desserts
• favorite smells
• books you want to read
• countries you want to visit
• list your big goals
• list your little goals
• favorite meals
• meals you want to try
• list your personal weaknesses
• list your personal strengths
• favorite works of art
• the things you've worried about that never happened
• all the flowers you can think of
• all the colors you can think of

You can really make a list of anything. It's a great journaling prompt or a great recitation when you need to break that obsessive thought pattern. 

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INTRODUCING: MOSTLY UNTRUE TRUE CRIME

 

Because I don't have enough projects going, I started a new one. I'm planning to have the first episode out this month, and then do them bi-weekly after that. Follow along on the MUTC podcast's instagram for all the up to date new. Click here to follow.

I am very excited about this. 

It's a true crime style podcast with a twist. I'm exploring fictional crimes. I'm starting with murder ballads; there are sooooo many. But I'm doing it with a serious true crime reporting style. I'll be going over the suspects, the forensics associated with the crime as well as all other pertinent aspects of this fictional crime. 

The first episode should air on 10/24 with another Halloween special on 10/31. The first episode is called Corpus Delicti. 

I hope that y'all tune in! 

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IN WHICH I SHARE MY EVENING ROUTINE

 

I shared my morning routine as well as some changes I'm making to it in order for it to be a better start to the day. My evening routine is just as relaxing and a way for me to wind down and end the day. I struggle deeply with insomnia, and given that sleep and mental health are intricately intertwined I try to give myself the best chance for a stable sleep schedule that I can. For me, one of the biggest indicators of an impending mental health crisis is changes in my sleep patterns. 

Dinner is around 1700 every night, then we do farm chores. My partner always helps with farm chores and on the days we have my stepchild they also help. Once we finish this we will head inside for some family time. 

I take my medications in the evening, so by 1900 I have taken my lamictal, prazosin, and if I am taking a sleep/anxiety med then I will take it then. I don't take them every night as some nights I don't feel anxious or have any indication that my obsessive thoughts are going to be an issue. My anxiety is typically what keeps me awake, along with the obsessive thought patterns and maladaptive guilt. 

Then we shower and my partner gets ready for work while I moisturize and blow dry my hair. After he leaves I stretch and either read or watch a relaxing low key show on tv. I turn off the tv or put down the book by 2130 and go to bed. 

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IN WHICH I SHARE MY MORNING ROUTINE

 

One of the ways that I stay balanced and stable is creating routines. I have a morning routine that I try to stick to as much as possible. I will say that since I work from home it is easier to create a mindful, quiet, relaxing morning routine than it was when I was rushing out of the house everyday. Especially as someone who isn't exactly a morning person. 

The first thing every morning is brushing teeth, brushing hair, deodorant, and sunscreen. I do sunscreen daily as I already have a skin cancer as well as a family history.

Before I head outside I get the pot of coffee started unless I'm planning on tea, then farm chores are done. The farm chores take me about an hour, and they give me some much needed reflection and thinking time. I make sure to pet all the animals which is always calming. And while I'm standing to fill waters I think about my day and meditate. 

When I come inside, I drink my coffee usually in silence then I do my social media interacting. This is a part of my job, so I do set a timer for it. 

I usually have a meal after that. I would like to incorporate yoga into my morning routine. I think that I could forsake the morning social media interacting for a morning yoga routine. And I think that would be healthier for both my mind and body. 

Do you have a morning routine?

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PRICKLY PEARS & LIVING INTENTIONALLY

 

Prickly Pear Time

I have wanted to pick prickly pears since we moved here, and I just never have. But this year I made a pledge to myself to live slower with more intention which means doing the things I want to do and taking the time to do them. I haven't been being the best at this thus far. 

I am trying to learn how to say no to things that do not serve me, so that I can open up to saying yes to the things that do serve me. It's about more than the prickly pears, although I do want those, and I want to try making some dishes with the napoles (the pads or green part of the cactus). It's about living in the moment a little more and spending more time present instead of on social media or worrying about the future or worrying about anything.

It's about being in nature and doing something that is rewarding that doesn't depend on other people. Part of my businesses always include social media, and it's easy to get distracted by likes and comments and engagement. But at the end of the day, even though being on social media is a requirement for being an aspiring author, do those things really matter? Or do the moments where I enjoy life most what really matters? 

In 2025 I really want to focus my energy on things I love. And while I know it's impossible to love every single thing 100% of the time, I do think it's possible to build a beautiful life full of things I love. 

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SEASONS + BIPOLAR + ME

 

me + Cynthia

When the seasons change I feel a sort of boost. Bipolar is cyclic, and I have noticed that when there is a change (whether real or perceived) I tend to feel a low level mania. Fortunately, I am attuned to my moods after years of learning how to recognize them so it rarely turns to true mania. 

I think part of it is the excitement of something new. While my Bipolar is best managed with routine, it is nice to shake things up. The changing of the seasons doesn't really mean a whole lot here in the desert which is disappointing, but it does mean that the hot weather which tends to make me physically ill is on it's way out. This means more time outside and more time with my animals which always lifts my soul. 

I have no idea if this is something that other people diagnosed with Bipolar notice or deal with, but the change from summer to autumn is an especially strong one for me. And again, I think it's partially because my autoimmune disorders have caused me to be sensitive to heat. So in addition to my mental changes I am excited to not feel sick everyday because of the temperature. 

Anyway, I'm very excited for this change in seasons. Very much looking forward to fall. 

FRIDAY THE 13TH

 

Happy Friday the 13th! 

Except is it happy?

There are stories throughout history and in several cultures that talk about the number 13 as being unlucky and how it's even more unlucky when the date falls on a Friday. 

Where do these come from?

One depiction of 13 as an unlucky number comes from Christian mythology in The Last Supper when the 13th guest was Judas who later betrayed Jesus. In another from Norse mythology the number 13 becomes unlucky when Loki crashes a party, bringing the number of gods to 13. 

Friday is considered especially unlucky according to the Christian Bible with it being the day that Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, the day that Cain murdered Abel, Noah's flood beginning, and the toppling of the Temple of Solomon. 

However it wasn't until the 19th century that Friday the 13th became the harbinger of unlucky lore that it is today, and if we dig further we find that both the number 13 and Friday are said to be lucky and even blessed days. These days and numbers are often associated with the divine feminine in many cultures. So is it misogyny that has rooted them in bad luck?

Whatever you believe I hope that today is beautiful for you. 

IN WHICH I TALK ABOUT MY DECISION TO LEAVE TEACHING

 

my very first classroom

When I made the decision to leave teaching for good in 2021, it was a relief. I had left a few times previously, but I always went back because I missed it. I taught for eight complete years, and in 2021 I left a few months into the school year. I thought I'd regret or feel bad about choosing to leave mid-first semester, but all I felt was relief. 

I started in January of 2013 at an alternative school. It was hard and amazing and wonderful. From there I moved into traditional schools and found my niche was with low SES schools connecting with kids who were struggling. I wanted to help them. I wanted to make sure they knew that someone believed in them and knew they could achieve great things. I loved my students, and I keep in touch with many of them still today. It's a privilege to see them accomplish things in their life and be able to be a part of that. 

I think my disconnect with teaching came my last year teaching in Oklahoma. I was teaching junior high students, and everyday during fifth hour Language Arts two students sat on the floor by my desk after the lesson during independent work time. They would do their work and chat with me. It was one of my favorite parts of the day. 

Then came the day when the principal called me to let me know that one of those students had killed himself. It was devastating for everyone. I still think about him and wish he was able to experience life. I wish I could have taken his pain. 

I taught for a year after that when we moved to Arizona, but I found myself guarded. I liked my students, but I didn't let myself connect like I had previously. I wasn't as good of a teacher because of this. Sure I still taught them what they needed to know and treated them well. It just wan't the same because I couldn't reach those struggling kids the way they needed to be reached. I was scared to feel that hurt again. The hurt of losing one. Of not being able to reach one. 

When I attempted to go back in 2021 it was hard. The guardedness was still there. I knew I didn't want to be there. Then my grandfather died. He raised me, so that hit me really hard. I was relieved when after we got back from Florida that I had a positive Covid test because that meant that in addition to my week of bereavement I would be out for a mandatory ten days. I taught via zoom for the majority of those days. But I knew I did not want to go back. I knew that my mental and physical health was not up to the task of teaching. 

I sent in a resignation and it was denied. 

I was in shock. Who doesn't accept a resignation? I was told by the district that in order to break my contract I needed to pay them a $1000 fee. After getting letters from both my psychiatrist and a general practitioner, I informed them that I was not paying that and asked why they would want to force a teacher who was struggling with their mental and physical health into a classroom? They had no good answer and released me from my contract. 

Honestly, my experience teaching at that high school in the Tucson metro area was the worst one. During my time there I was consistently harassed by my assistant cheer coach (who has since been arrested for embezzling money from the cheer team - that happened after she became head coach after I left) as well as her husband. I was emotionally exhausted from fighting her on everything to then also fighting to build a successful cheer program and teach a subject I'd never taught before and had very little background in. 

Sometimes I still miss teaching. I miss connecting with students. I miss seeing their AHA moments. But I know that part of my life is over. I will cherish the connections I made for the rest of my life, and I will always be there for any past students. I will celebrate them and cheer for them. 

I will share with new teachers to be careful about how much of yourself you give because it is emotionally exhausting. We need good teachers, and we need ones who don't burn out because they give everything for a system that gives them nothing. I do consider going back to get my PhD to teach at a collegiate level. But it's a lot of work, so I want to make sure it's something I really want to do. 

I loved my time teaching secondary education, and I look fondly on the majority of my memories. It was hard and rewarding. I hope everyone gets to experience something like it during their lifetime. 

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RHONDA REVIEWS: SCHOOL SPIRITS

I had been seeing this show advertised on Netflix for awhile, but since it only had eight episodes and was on season one I was hesitant to watch. Too many times I've been taken in by a show on Netflix only to have it cancelled after a season or two leaving me wondering what happened to my beloved characters. But one night I took the chance and dived in to watching School Spirits. 

There may be minor spoilers ahead, but nothing major. Just some character references about how I feel about them! 

It was a little different than I first thought it was going to be, but I loved it. There were some predictable moments in it, but then there were some really unpredictable ones as well. I loved how the show leaned into some stereotypes of typical high school cliches, but then showed depth to those characters as well. I appreciated how they showcased that despite the difference in time periods that these teens were in school that teenage and young adult problems are quite similar. Something to think about when we assume that an older or younger generation is so vastly different from ours. 

I was happy to find that they did renew for a second season, and I was bummed to find out that I'll have to wait until 2025 to find out what happens to everyone. 

My favorite character is Rhonda (obvi), but I also really like Charley. I like that although the main focus of the show is on helping Maddie find out what happened to her we still get really great insights into the other characters lives and their tragedies. Mr. Martin is the least liked character, followed by Maddie's mother who infuriates me to a beyond I cannot describe. Sheriff Baxter also has his fair share of pissing me off. 

Overall, I thought the show was really well paced,  and it definitely kept me wanting to watch more at the end of each episode. They ended the season on a great cliffhanger and IMO are taking too long to get the next season to us. 

This review is not sponsored by anyone (but it could be!) and all views are my own (even if I got sponsored that would remain the same). 

Happy binge watching! 

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IN WHICH I TALK ABOUT MEDS

 

me, Cynthia, & Dakota

I have had a tumultuous relationship in being on medication for my mental illnesses. I am, like many bipolar individuals, notoriously bad at what the doctors refer to as "med compliance" meaning I often will take myself off of my meds. Sometimes with disastrous consequences. Sometimes with no consequences. 

When I first spoke to a doctor about how I was feeling as an adult, it was a GP, and he said I was just anxious and maybe a little depressed. He prescribed me Zoloft. The results of the Zoloft prescription were pretty bad. I went into a rapid cycling bipolar phase where I was manic and then in a deep depressive state every few weeks. It was untenable for both me and everyone around me. I had zero impulse control. I ended my marriage, and although ending the marriage was best the way I did it was entirely wrong. 

Over the years as a teen and young adult, I did take anxiety meds or sleeping meds on and off, but nothing ever really seemed to fully help and so I would take myself off of them. 

I finally went to an actual psychiatrist, who diagnosed me as bipolar one, OCD, with anxiety and PTSD. For the first time in my life I felt like I wasn't crazy. That might seem counterintuitive, but I had reasons for my behavior that meant I wasn't just wild or unmanageable. I was dealing with some circumstances beyond my control, but I could take control through meds and therapy. It was empowering for me. And it was also devastating as I realized I could never stop being vigilant with my mental health. 

I have tried various medications for these issues, and I encourage you to talk to a psychiatrist if you think you have mental health issues. Although my GP meant well, he just wasn't equipped to diagnose me and his prescription turned my life into a waking nightmare. He should have referred me instead of prescribing something. Currently, I am on lamictal for the bipolar and have emergency anxiety meds as well as meds for sleeping and a med for night terrors. It may seem like a lot, but the only one I take daily is the lamictal. The others are just as needed. I also get med checks every other month, as well as therapy. 

In addition to the medications, I also try to maintain some other things in my life to help stabilize myself. One of these things is sleep, which is one of the biggest disruptors of mental health especially those with mood or personality disorders. I try to keep the same general schedule in my day as routine tends to help as well. Overall, there are a multitude of things that can help each individual. What works for one person may not work for another. It's up to us to advocate for ourselves and find the magic combination for us. 

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THAT TIME I GOT BULLIED OFF THE INTERNET

 

my old blog header circa 2011

I started my first blog around 2009. I had moved to Oklahoma from Florida in the summer of 2008, and I was feeling the need for a creative outlet, it was essentially a way for my family and friends to keep up on my new life. And at first that's all it was, but then blogs started ramping up and being wildly popular. I started selling ad space on my blog, and soon I was making a significant amount of profit each month. Plus sponsored posts. 

It was the first time I felt like I could probably make money from my writing. My blog grew to have over 15K subscribers, and I felt very proud of it. I had blog friends all over the world, and I mostly managed to escape a lot of the scrutiny that many bloggers faced. 

As Twitter became more and more popular, all the bloggers were using it to connect and promote which was both amazing and ended up being terrible. For me, at least. Obviously I joined Twitter and began to connect and promote. 

I had been blogger for many years at this point, and I felt pretty secure in my ability to ignore hateful comments or any vitriol said about me specifically. 

I was so wrong. 

I can't remember exact dates or even what the disagreement was about. I only remember who, and no I will not say who it was because I never want to experience what happened next again. It's also why I get super weird about fandoms that don't accept any valid criticism of the fandom or the person/thing whatever that the fandom is based on. 

It was circa 2013/2014, I was on Twitter and disagreed with a very popular (think millions of followers) blogger. We were mutuals and had spoken on a number of occasions. They had given me advice on blogging. The disagreement was not a personal attack, and I was not mean or vindictive about it. They disagreed back, then retweeted it and encouraged their fans to go tell me how wrong I was. 

For weeks, I continued trying to fulfill my ad agreements to their contracts, but I couldn't see through the hate mail. It filled my Twitter, my public Facebook page for the blog, my email inbox, and my blog comments. I was told to just "KYS". Everything was made fun of including how I looked, my kid, my then husband, my home, literally nothing was off limits.  Eventually I stopped posting on social media and then I gave up my blog once I ended the contracts I had. 

The thing that was my lifeline, my creative outlet, and to be quite honest the majority of my social life was ruined for me. I couldn't handle the massive amounts of commenting that was pure cruelty. I deleted everything. No social media, no blog...nothing.

Over the years I've gone back to social media and blogging, but it wasn't until recently that I started to actually try to do it again. I want to fulfill my dreams as an author, and in this time period social media is the way to reach the most people. The internet has not gotten nicer, and one could argue that it's gotten much worse. 

I still think I have too much social media because of the whole "niche down" concept. But I do balance it better now. Although I do still find myself cringing when I see these out of control fandoms that attack others for disagreeing with someone, and to be 100% honest I often do not express my disagreements with popular creators online for fear of being attacked again. 

I'm still traumatized by the whole ordeal. It does still control my actions in the online sphere. But I am learning to protect my peace and mental health, so while I often scroll away from disagreements I do still speak out when it's something really important, like human rights. 

It's a balancing act and we're all on a tightrope. 

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RHONDA REVIEWS: Sweet Magnolias

 

I was looking for a cozy sweet show that didn't require an intense amount of brain power to follow, and I happened across Sweet Magnolias on Netflix. Now as a southern gal, I LOVE shows set in the south. Then I saw it was filmed in Covington, Georgia (the clock tower was the giveaway), and I think that town is the cutest thing. 

Besides the idyllic town, and the scenery the show was overall really good. There were a lot of heartwarming parts, along with parts that showed challenges that people face. They touched on a lot of deeper topics, and showed quite a bit of range in the emotions that they felt. 

There is teen pregnancy, adoption, extramarital affairs, loss of a pregnancy, PTSD, and teen drinking. The show is also very Christian, however for the most part they show the side of Christianity that preaches forgiveness, understanding, and being a kind compassionate neighbor without judgement. Normally, the religious aspect would drive me away; in this show I feel they did not preach that I should be Christian, but rather shared what they thought being one should be. 

The cast is fairly diverse with the town having people of all races, social status, and sexual orientation. I do feel they could have had more diversity in the sexual orientation aspect as they seemed to only throw in the one gay couple. They also could have brought in other religions, and maybe those things will be present in future seasons. 

Overall, it's a cute show that I will continue watching so I can see how the characters end up. I'm rooting for some of them. 

THAT TIME I TOOK A TRIP WITH MY EX

 

Me in Mexico July 2017

In 2015, my marriage was at the beginning of the end. If I'm honest with myself, it was a marriage that never should have happened. I lost so much of myself, but that's a deeper reflection for another read. (You can read it in my meNoir that comes out in 2025)

By 2017, I had moved out into my own apartment. He was dating the woman he told me I didn't have to worry about because she was "just a friend". My son (that he adopted) was getting ready to start his senior year, and we had (I had) already pre-paid for a four person family vacation to an all inclusive resort in Puerto Vallarta. 

It was suggested to me that I forfeit my ticket so the new girlfriend could attend, which I felt was ludicrous, especially considering that I had paid for the entirety of the trip. I told my ex that I didn't care if he forfeited his seat, but that I was under no circumstances not going to be in Mexico for that week. And so four of us: me, my ex, our son, and our son's best friend headed off to Mexico for a seven days and six nights. 

I spent my days drinking in pools, or on the beach enjoying all of the restaurants and food carts within the resort. Buying crafts from people who were selling them on the beach or in the cutest little market down the street from the resort. I went on excursions and snorkeled by a bird sanctuary island. I went sailing. I rode jet skis. And the majority of it, I did alone.  

I have fond memories of many things about this trip. I think one of the fondest things is that I felt free. It was actually the most me I ever was with my ex. I didn't worry about what I was wearing or how I did my hair or that my tattoos were showing or what he would think if I was drinking margaritas before noon. Even though he was there, I was the one in control of me. It was pivotal for me to know I was going to be okay, better than okay, after ending a decade long relationship. 

It was the start of me finding myself again. And now seven years later, I feel incredibly free and more like the real me than I have felt in many years. I still have moments of doubt and pain and questions, but I think that's normal. 

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WHAT'S IN AN AUTHOR NAME?

 Rhonda Marie...writes books.

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Why would I choose to publish under only my first and middle name? 

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It's because I wish I had gotten rid of the last name that I took of my ex-husband's when I got divorced. The reason I didn't is because it's a huge pain in the ass to change everything over, and I wanted to have the same last name as my son. Now that my relationship with my son is essentially non-existent, this last name is a reminder of everything I gave up in my life. It reminds me of how I spent a decade trying to change myself and be someone I wasn't in order to make others happy. It reminds me of the ignored pleas for things to change. It reminds me of losing my confidence in myself and everything I loved. 

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I believe that I am a good writer, and I think my ideas will be ones that people like. I hope that I will find success through my writing and stories, so I don't want that last name attached to that hope. That last name symbolizes a loss of hope and a loss of confidence. So I dropped it. 

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I have to keep it as my legal name, or get it changed which is wildly expensive to just change a last name! Although it has to be attached to my barrel racing and rodeo dreams, it doesn't have to be attached to my author dreams. And for the barrel racing and rodeo dreams, I look at it as he always told me I couldn't do it...so I will and I'll bring along his last name. He couldn't get that last name to any of the big shows, so I will. ;)

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