IN WHICH I TALK ABOUT MY DECISION TO LEAVE TEACHING

 

my very first classroom

When I made the decision to leave teaching for good in 2021, it was a relief. I had left a few times previously, but I always went back because I missed it. I taught for eight complete years, and in 2021 I left a few months into the school year. I thought I'd regret or feel bad about choosing to leave mid-first semester, but all I felt was relief. 

I started in January of 2013 at an alternative school. It was hard and amazing and wonderful. From there I moved into traditional schools and found my niche was with low SES schools connecting with kids who were struggling. I wanted to help them. I wanted to make sure they knew that someone believed in them and knew they could achieve great things. I loved my students, and I keep in touch with many of them still today. It's a privilege to see them accomplish things in their life and be able to be a part of that. 

I think my disconnect with teaching came my last year teaching in Oklahoma. I was teaching junior high students, and everyday during fifth hour Language Arts two students sat on the floor by my desk after the lesson during independent work time. They would do their work and chat with me. It was one of my favorite parts of the day. 

Then came the day when the principal called me to let me know that one of those students had killed himself. It was devastating for everyone. I still think about him and wish he was able to experience life. I wish I could have taken his pain. 

I taught for a year after that when we moved to Arizona, but I found myself guarded. I liked my students, but I didn't let myself connect like I had previously. I wasn't as good of a teacher because of this. Sure I still taught them what they needed to know and treated them well. It just wan't the same because I couldn't reach those struggling kids the way they needed to be reached. I was scared to feel that hurt again. The hurt of losing one. Of not being able to reach one. 

When I attempted to go back in 2021 it was hard. The guardedness was still there. I knew I didn't want to be there. Then my grandfather died. He raised me, so that hit me really hard. I was relieved when after we got back from Florida that I had a positive Covid test because that meant that in addition to my week of bereavement I would be out for a mandatory ten days. I taught via zoom for the majority of those days. But I knew I did not want to go back. I knew that my mental and physical health was not up to the task of teaching. 

I sent in a resignation and it was denied. 

I was in shock. Who doesn't accept a resignation? I was told by the district that in order to break my contract I needed to pay them a $1000 fee. After getting letters from both my psychiatrist and a general practitioner, I informed them that I was not paying that and asked why they would want to force a teacher who was struggling with their mental and physical health into a classroom? They had no good answer and released me from my contract. 

Honestly, my experience teaching at that high school in the Tucson metro area was the worst one. During my time there I was consistently harassed by my assistant cheer coach (who has since been arrested for embezzling money from the cheer team - that happened after she became head coach after I left) as well as her husband. I was emotionally exhausted from fighting her on everything to then also fighting to build a successful cheer program and teach a subject I'd never taught before and had very little background in. 

Sometimes I still miss teaching. I miss connecting with students. I miss seeing their AHA moments. But I know that part of my life is over. I will cherish the connections I made for the rest of my life, and I will always be there for any past students. I will celebrate them and cheer for them. 

I will share with new teachers to be careful about how much of yourself you give because it is emotionally exhausting. We need good teachers, and we need ones who don't burn out because they give everything for a system that gives them nothing. I do consider going back to get my PhD to teach at a collegiate level. But it's a lot of work, so I want to make sure it's something I really want to do. 

I loved my time teaching secondary education, and I look fondly on the majority of my memories. It was hard and rewarding. I hope everyone gets to experience something like it during their lifetime. 

Make sure to follow on social media by clicking HERE.