THAT TIME I TOOK A TRIP WITH MY EX

 

Me in Mexico July 2017

In 2015, my marriage was at the beginning of the end. If I'm honest with myself, it was a marriage that never should have happened. I lost so much of myself, but that's a deeper reflection for another read. (You can read it in my meNoir that comes out in 2025)

By 2017, I had moved out into my own apartment. He was dating the woman he told me I didn't have to worry about because she was "just a friend". My son (that he adopted) was getting ready to start his senior year, and we had (I had) already pre-paid for a four person family vacation to an all inclusive resort in Puerto Vallarta. 

It was suggested to me that I forfeit my ticket so the new girlfriend could attend, which I felt was ludicrous, especially considering that I had paid for the entirety of the trip. I told my ex that I didn't care if he forfeited his seat, but that I was under no circumstances not going to be in Mexico for that week. And so four of us: me, my ex, our son, and our son's best friend headed off to Mexico for a seven days and six nights. 

I spent my days drinking in pools, or on the beach enjoying all of the restaurants and food carts within the resort. Buying crafts from people who were selling them on the beach or in the cutest little market down the street from the resort. I went on excursions and snorkeled by a bird sanctuary island. I went sailing. I rode jet skis. And the majority of it, I did alone.  

I have fond memories of many things about this trip. I think one of the fondest things is that I felt free. It was actually the most me I ever was with my ex. I didn't worry about what I was wearing or how I did my hair or that my tattoos were showing or what he would think if I was drinking margaritas before noon. Even though he was there, I was the one in control of me. It was pivotal for me to know I was going to be okay, better than okay, after ending a decade long relationship. 

It was the start of me finding myself again. And now seven years later, I feel incredibly free and more like the real me than I have felt in many years. I still have moments of doubt and pain and questions, but I think that's normal. 

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WHAT'S IN AN AUTHOR NAME?

 Rhonda Marie...writes books.

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Why would I choose to publish under only my first and middle name? 

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It's because I wish I had gotten rid of the last name that I took of my ex-husband's when I got divorced. The reason I didn't is because it's a huge pain in the ass to change everything over, and I wanted to have the same last name as my son. Now that my relationship with my son is essentially non-existent, this last name is a reminder of everything I gave up in my life. It reminds me of how I spent a decade trying to change myself and be someone I wasn't in order to make others happy. It reminds me of the ignored pleas for things to change. It reminds me of losing my confidence in myself and everything I loved. 

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I believe that I am a good writer, and I think my ideas will be ones that people like. I hope that I will find success through my writing and stories, so I don't want that last name attached to that hope. That last name symbolizes a loss of hope and a loss of confidence. So I dropped it. 

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I have to keep it as my legal name, or get it changed which is wildly expensive to just change a last name! Although it has to be attached to my barrel racing and rodeo dreams, it doesn't have to be attached to my author dreams. And for the barrel racing and rodeo dreams, I look at it as he always told me I couldn't do it...so I will and I'll bring along his last name. He couldn't get that last name to any of the big shows, so I will. ;)

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WRITING A BOOK

 

I've been writing a lot lately, much of it incoherent ramblings that I assume will eventually make sense. 

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The meNoir is coming together nicely, and once I learned to stop censoring myself so I didn't offend anyone it is so cathartic. I'm not sure if anyone really wants to read a meNoir of someone they have never really heard of. But I'm writing this for me, and it's so helpful for me as I work through my feelings. 

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My fiction novel is the one I really worry about. I can see these characters so vividly in my mind; it's like they're real. I worry that I won't do them justice. I feel obligated to them and to tell their story in a way that makes others care as deeply as I do about them. 

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Anyway, I hope y'all follow along here and on my socials (click here) so you can know when these books are coming out! I am super excited about them, and I'm excited to share my writing journey. Excerpts coming on this very blog soon ish! 

A New WIP

 

About a week or so ago, this character popped into my head and he was so vivid and lifelike that I was certain we'd met before. 

We haven't. 

But I have begun bringing his story to life. The untold tale of the real reason the devil was cast out of heaven. A tale of betrayal and love and family and human history. 

I am so so excited to bring this story out and about. I hope that you'll consider signing up to be a beta or ARC reader when the time comes. This is the first time I've felt that a story is clawing its way out of me. And I hope y'all love it as much as I do. 

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