IN WHICH I TALK ABOUT MEDS

 

me, Cynthia, & Dakota

I have had a tumultuous relationship in being on medication for my mental illnesses. I am, like many bipolar individuals, notoriously bad at what the doctors refer to as "med compliance" meaning I often will take myself off of my meds. Sometimes with disastrous consequences. Sometimes with no consequences. 

When I first spoke to a doctor about how I was feeling as an adult, it was a GP, and he said I was just anxious and maybe a little depressed. He prescribed me Zoloft. The results of the Zoloft prescription were pretty bad. I went into a rapid cycling bipolar phase where I was manic and then in a deep depressive state every few weeks. It was untenable for both me and everyone around me. I had zero impulse control. I ended my marriage, and although ending the marriage was best the way I did it was entirely wrong. 

Over the years as a teen and young adult, I did take anxiety meds or sleeping meds on and off, but nothing ever really seemed to fully help and so I would take myself off of them. 

I finally went to an actual psychiatrist, who diagnosed me as bipolar one, OCD, with anxiety and PTSD. For the first time in my life I felt like I wasn't crazy. That might seem counterintuitive, but I had reasons for my behavior that meant I wasn't just wild or unmanageable. I was dealing with some circumstances beyond my control, but I could take control through meds and therapy. It was empowering for me. And it was also devastating as I realized I could never stop being vigilant with my mental health. 

I have tried various medications for these issues, and I encourage you to talk to a psychiatrist if you think you have mental health issues. Although my GP meant well, he just wasn't equipped to diagnose me and his prescription turned my life into a waking nightmare. He should have referred me instead of prescribing something. Currently, I am on lamictal for the bipolar and have emergency anxiety meds as well as meds for sleeping and a med for night terrors. It may seem like a lot, but the only one I take daily is the lamictal. The others are just as needed. I also get med checks every other month, as well as therapy. 

In addition to the medications, I also try to maintain some other things in my life to help stabilize myself. One of these things is sleep, which is one of the biggest disruptors of mental health especially those with mood or personality disorders. I try to keep the same general schedule in my day as routine tends to help as well. Overall, there are a multitude of things that can help each individual. What works for one person may not work for another. It's up to us to advocate for ourselves and find the magic combination for us. 

For more, follow me on social media! Click here!