INTERACTIONS ON THE INTERNET + A HISTORY LESSON

 

me + Sue circa 2020

This morning on Threads, I entered a conversation about piracy. When I shared something that I've seen A LOT of people share someone came in and told me all the reasons I was wrong for saying what I said. 

My immediately response was to defend myself, but after one response it became clear that this individual was in no way wanting to have a conversation about what she found offensive (a quote I'd used that I've seen others say) or about the original piracy conversation. This person blocked me, which is also great. People should block anyone they dislike or don't wish to see on their social media.  

However, the whole interaction has me thinking. 

This is one of those things on the internet where one person says something and another person immediately comes in with all of their statements about why they are correct without looking at any of the nuance or just immediately intending to talk down to the person they're responding to. In this instance I was quoting that people defending piracy say something like, "what about people in third world countries? They deserve to read too." This person immediately said it is wrong to say third world countries. 

And yes, (history lesson incoming) the phrase is actually archaic as it does not fit the original definition. The original phrases were part of The Three World Model. This came about during the Cold War as a way to tell who was allied with who. The US + allies were known as First World, while the Soviet + allies were Second World, and the remaining countries that were not aligned with either were Third World. These were not economic classifications but rather political.

Over time, Third World became a way to categorize economically poor and non-industrialized countries. In many circles this term is not pejorative and is synonymous with developing countries. In some areas for some scholars, the term developing countries is pejorative and they feel inaccurate. As it denotes that "developed countries" are the ideal when the truth is not there. The terms Global North and Global South were also explored with the connotation that the Global South was made up of economically disadvantaged and developing countries, but this is not accurate as many economically advantaged countries are in the Global South and vice versa.  

The truth is that sweeping generalized terms will never be accurate for everyone or agreed upon for everyone. When I personally talk about countries, I just use the name of the country. If I'm referencing a region, then I reference the region geographically. When I reference what someone else said I quote it, even if it's not the best term. I think it's because of my background in academic writing where individuals know that using direct quotes might mean using offensive words and do not take it to mean that the person writing is okay with those terms. Whereas on the internet, everyone is subjected to some sort of weird critique by every single other person on the internet. 

Anyway, it was just something I was pondering this morning and my personal blog is a good way for me to just sort of talk myself through things as well as share some fun facts with the world! 

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IN WHICH I WRITE A MEMOIR

 

Loki + me

circa 2017

In the course of my life the relationships I've had with men have been tumultuous. I haven't made the best decisions when it came to the men I spent time with or that I allowed to have far more control than they should have in my life. 

I had started writing out these stories as a way to look at my decisions and figure out why I kept falling into this sort of unhealthy trap. I shared a few of these stories, and everyone said, "you should publish this." And so over the past few years, I've been working on these stories; eventually, they'll be published. 

The reason it's taken me years to work on these is that in many of the "chapters" it takes me to a place where I was in unhealthy, often violent, relationships. Although I am in a really good place now, remembering these past incidents does still hurt. I work on it when I am in a good headspace, and I set it aside when I am not. 

That's not to say that every chapter is bad!

I am including non-romantic relationships as well, so the chapters where I talk about my Papaw or my Uncle Ronnie are absolutely delightful. But for the most part the chapters are a little dark. It definitely will not a light read, but it will offer a glimpse inside of someone else's mind and life. That's one of the reasons I love reading memoirs. I think they make us feel less alone, and they give us some kind of understanding about others and the decisions they face. 

It's easy to sit back and judge me for my choices without understanding the situations I was in. We never know another until we walk a mile in their shoes, right? Memoirs afford us that opportunity. 

I will keep everyone updated on when this will come out, and make sure to follow my author pages as well. You can find those links and more HERE!

IN WHICH I TALK ABOUT HALLOWEEN MEMORIES

 

me + Jakob 2000

I have always loved Halloween, and when I had a baby I was very excited about sharing that fun holiday with him. Obviously, I dressed him as a pumpkin for his first Halloween because that's a rite of passage for all babies I think.

Then he was (in no particular order): a dinosaur, a giraffe, Captain Jack Sparrow, a military guy, Jason from Friday the 13th, a zombie, Edward Cullen, and I can't even remember everything else. 

Of course, when he was little we would go with cousins to trick or treat. It was always a ton of fun. We would also go to all the haunted trails that central gulf coast Florida had to offer. Although J was just a little one, he really loved them. I think mostly seeing me super scared was what he was laughing at! 

When we moved to Oklahoma we would have Halloween parties for the kids at our house. We did different themes, like Haunted Circus or Scary Movies. I would make tons of food that was themed, play games, and just in general let the kids have fun. 

There was never a year we didn't carve pumpkins and try out some special carving. Occasionally they worked, but often they did not. But we had so much fun doing it. 

The haunted house tradition continued in Oklahoma as well. J and I went through them all. Sometimes we would be so freaked out by the time we reached the front of the line we'd have to talk ourselves into it. Once we got inside, J would be absolutely fine, but me? No way. I get scared sitting here typing about it. But I kept going because he loved it. 

I still love Halloween. 

It's a little bittersweet at times when I think about the memories, but last year my mom came out and we had a pumpkin carving contest with my nieces at the judges (I won.), went to a haunted cornfield with three haunted houses in it, and just in general ate a lot of candy and had fun watching scary movies. 

What's your favorite holiday? Let me know in the comments and make sure to click HERE to follow me on social media. 

IN WHICH I SHARE MY EVENING ROUTINE

 

I shared my morning routine as well as some changes I'm making to it in order for it to be a better start to the day. My evening routine is just as relaxing and a way for me to wind down and end the day. I struggle deeply with insomnia, and given that sleep and mental health are intricately intertwined I try to give myself the best chance for a stable sleep schedule that I can. For me, one of the biggest indicators of an impending mental health crisis is changes in my sleep patterns. 

Dinner is around 1700 every night, then we do farm chores. My partner always helps with farm chores and on the days we have my stepchild they also help. Once we finish this we will head inside for some family time. 

I take my medications in the evening, so by 1900 I have taken my lamictal, prazosin, and if I am taking a sleep/anxiety med then I will take it then. I don't take them every night as some nights I don't feel anxious or have any indication that my obsessive thoughts are going to be an issue. My anxiety is typically what keeps me awake, along with the obsessive thought patterns and maladaptive guilt. 

Then we shower and my partner gets ready for work while I moisturize and blow dry my hair. After he leaves I stretch and either read or watch a relaxing low key show on tv. I turn off the tv or put down the book by 2130 and go to bed. 

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IN WHICH I SHARE MY MORNING ROUTINE

 

One of the ways that I stay balanced and stable is creating routines. I have a morning routine that I try to stick to as much as possible. I will say that since I work from home it is easier to create a mindful, quiet, relaxing morning routine than it was when I was rushing out of the house everyday. Especially as someone who isn't exactly a morning person. 

The first thing every morning is brushing teeth, brushing hair, deodorant, and sunscreen. I do sunscreen daily as I already have a skin cancer as well as a family history.

Before I head outside I get the pot of coffee started unless I'm planning on tea, then farm chores are done. The farm chores take me about an hour, and they give me some much needed reflection and thinking time. I make sure to pet all the animals which is always calming. And while I'm standing to fill waters I think about my day and meditate. 

When I come inside, I drink my coffee usually in silence then I do my social media interacting. This is a part of my job, so I do set a timer for it. 

I usually have a meal after that. I would like to incorporate yoga into my morning routine. I think that I could forsake the morning social media interacting for a morning yoga routine. And I think that would be healthier for both my mind and body. 

Do you have a morning routine?

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PRICKLY PEARS & LIVING INTENTIONALLY

 

Prickly Pear Time

I have wanted to pick prickly pears since we moved here, and I just never have. But this year I made a pledge to myself to live slower with more intention which means doing the things I want to do and taking the time to do them. I haven't been being the best at this thus far. 

I am trying to learn how to say no to things that do not serve me, so that I can open up to saying yes to the things that do serve me. It's about more than the prickly pears, although I do want those, and I want to try making some dishes with the napoles (the pads or green part of the cactus). It's about living in the moment a little more and spending more time present instead of on social media or worrying about the future or worrying about anything.

It's about being in nature and doing something that is rewarding that doesn't depend on other people. Part of my businesses always include social media, and it's easy to get distracted by likes and comments and engagement. But at the end of the day, even though being on social media is a requirement for being an aspiring author, do those things really matter? Or do the moments where I enjoy life most what really matters? 

In 2025 I really want to focus my energy on things I love. And while I know it's impossible to love every single thing 100% of the time, I do think it's possible to build a beautiful life full of things I love. 

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THAT TIME I GOT BULLIED OFF THE INTERNET

 

my old blog header circa 2011

I started my first blog around 2009. I had moved to Oklahoma from Florida in the summer of 2008, and I was feeling the need for a creative outlet, it was essentially a way for my family and friends to keep up on my new life. And at first that's all it was, but then blogs started ramping up and being wildly popular. I started selling ad space on my blog, and soon I was making a significant amount of profit each month. Plus sponsored posts. 

It was the first time I felt like I could probably make money from my writing. My blog grew to have over 15K subscribers, and I felt very proud of it. I had blog friends all over the world, and I mostly managed to escape a lot of the scrutiny that many bloggers faced. 

As Twitter became more and more popular, all the bloggers were using it to connect and promote which was both amazing and ended up being terrible. For me, at least. Obviously I joined Twitter and began to connect and promote. 

I had been blogger for many years at this point, and I felt pretty secure in my ability to ignore hateful comments or any vitriol said about me specifically. 

I was so wrong. 

I can't remember exact dates or even what the disagreement was about. I only remember who, and no I will not say who it was because I never want to experience what happened next again. It's also why I get super weird about fandoms that don't accept any valid criticism of the fandom or the person/thing whatever that the fandom is based on. 

It was circa 2013/2014, I was on Twitter and disagreed with a very popular (think millions of followers) blogger. We were mutuals and had spoken on a number of occasions. They had given me advice on blogging. The disagreement was not a personal attack, and I was not mean or vindictive about it. They disagreed back, then retweeted it and encouraged their fans to go tell me how wrong I was. 

For weeks, I continued trying to fulfill my ad agreements to their contracts, but I couldn't see through the hate mail. It filled my Twitter, my public Facebook page for the blog, my email inbox, and my blog comments. I was told to just "KYS". Everything was made fun of including how I looked, my kid, my then husband, my home, literally nothing was off limits.  Eventually I stopped posting on social media and then I gave up my blog once I ended the contracts I had. 

The thing that was my lifeline, my creative outlet, and to be quite honest the majority of my social life was ruined for me. I couldn't handle the massive amounts of commenting that was pure cruelty. I deleted everything. No social media, no blog...nothing.

Over the years I've gone back to social media and blogging, but it wasn't until recently that I started to actually try to do it again. I want to fulfill my dreams as an author, and in this time period social media is the way to reach the most people. The internet has not gotten nicer, and one could argue that it's gotten much worse. 

I still think I have too much social media because of the whole "niche down" concept. But I do balance it better now. Although I do still find myself cringing when I see these out of control fandoms that attack others for disagreeing with someone, and to be 100% honest I often do not express my disagreements with popular creators online for fear of being attacked again. 

I'm still traumatized by the whole ordeal. It does still control my actions in the online sphere. But I am learning to protect my peace and mental health, so while I often scroll away from disagreements I do still speak out when it's something really important, like human rights. 

It's a balancing act and we're all on a tightrope. 

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THAT TIME I TOOK A TRIP WITH MY EX

 

Me in Mexico July 2017

In 2015, my marriage was at the beginning of the end. If I'm honest with myself, it was a marriage that never should have happened. I lost so much of myself, but that's a deeper reflection for another read. (You can read it in my meNoir that comes out in 2025)

By 2017, I had moved out into my own apartment. He was dating the woman he told me I didn't have to worry about because she was "just a friend". My son (that he adopted) was getting ready to start his senior year, and we had (I had) already pre-paid for a four person family vacation to an all inclusive resort in Puerto Vallarta. 

It was suggested to me that I forfeit my ticket so the new girlfriend could attend, which I felt was ludicrous, especially considering that I had paid for the entirety of the trip. I told my ex that I didn't care if he forfeited his seat, but that I was under no circumstances not going to be in Mexico for that week. And so four of us: me, my ex, our son, and our son's best friend headed off to Mexico for a seven days and six nights. 

I spent my days drinking in pools, or on the beach enjoying all of the restaurants and food carts within the resort. Buying crafts from people who were selling them on the beach or in the cutest little market down the street from the resort. I went on excursions and snorkeled by a bird sanctuary island. I went sailing. I rode jet skis. And the majority of it, I did alone.  

I have fond memories of many things about this trip. I think one of the fondest things is that I felt free. It was actually the most me I ever was with my ex. I didn't worry about what I was wearing or how I did my hair or that my tattoos were showing or what he would think if I was drinking margaritas before noon. Even though he was there, I was the one in control of me. It was pivotal for me to know I was going to be okay, better than okay, after ending a decade long relationship. 

It was the start of me finding myself again. And now seven years later, I feel incredibly free and more like the real me than I have felt in many years. I still have moments of doubt and pain and questions, but I think that's normal. 

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WHAT'S IN AN AUTHOR NAME?

 Rhonda Marie...writes books.

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Why would I choose to publish under only my first and middle name? 

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It's because I wish I had gotten rid of the last name that I took of my ex-husband's when I got divorced. The reason I didn't is because it's a huge pain in the ass to change everything over, and I wanted to have the same last name as my son. Now that my relationship with my son is essentially non-existent, this last name is a reminder of everything I gave up in my life. It reminds me of how I spent a decade trying to change myself and be someone I wasn't in order to make others happy. It reminds me of the ignored pleas for things to change. It reminds me of losing my confidence in myself and everything I loved. 

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I believe that I am a good writer, and I think my ideas will be ones that people like. I hope that I will find success through my writing and stories, so I don't want that last name attached to that hope. That last name symbolizes a loss of hope and a loss of confidence. So I dropped it. 

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I have to keep it as my legal name, or get it changed which is wildly expensive to just change a last name! Although it has to be attached to my barrel racing and rodeo dreams, it doesn't have to be attached to my author dreams. And for the barrel racing and rodeo dreams, I look at it as he always told me I couldn't do it...so I will and I'll bring along his last name. He couldn't get that last name to any of the big shows, so I will. ;)

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FEELINGS on a FRIDAY

 

I've started and restarted this blog a ton of times because I'm angry, and I don't want to just spew my anger onto the world or say something that we will all regret.

Lately, I have been feeling sad. Like a nostalgic sort of sad where I miss my family and friends from my past. I have been thinking about times I missed to spend with those that are dead. I wish I had learned my grandma's recipes. I miss "helping" my uncle when he would work on my cars. I miss my grandpa and going to breakfast with him. I miss those that live far away. I miss hanging out with my mom, seeing my nieces grow up. I miss the friends I had back then; they're still my friends but from a distance. 

I think the breaking up of friendships in my life recently has made me reminisce about having true friendships and people who are real in my life. 

It's also been an emotional time as I've decided to rehome some horses that we had taken in. It's always emotional for me when they leave, but I know that in order for them all to have the attention they deserve then it's time. Read more about it over at my horse blog. Here!

It's sort of been a culmination of things that have gotten me feeling just a little sad. But this season will pass as they always do.

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FRIENDSHIP FUNERAL

 

I recently made the decision to stop being friends with a group of people after I realized their behavior was not one time flukes and that their whole vibe just didn't mesh with what I want in my life. 

I had stopped being involved with them in business for a multitude of reasons including differences of opinion on how things should be done involving horse care. Then I started finding out some of the shady practices that I felt were unethical, and some that I was sure were illegal. I did not want to be involved, so I left the partnership. 

After I left the business partnership, I found that the friendship fizzled. Suddenly, once I could no longer benefit them they didn't talk to me...and if I reached out the conversation was stifled. Plans were made and never followed through on. Meanwhile, I was struggling seeing all of their social media posts because I knew they were all fake. I knew the behind the scenes, and it made me feel gross. 

So I did what anyone should do if they don't like what someone is posting on social media, and I unfollowed and unfriended them. 

Immediately following that I began to get a TON of messages on multiple social media platforms from fake looking accounts telling me I better not talk about these businesses or I'd regret it. *cue confused look* I also got messages from people we knew mutually asking me what happened with me leaving the businesses and why they would be getting messages telling them I'm untrustworthy and not to believe anything I say. I was pretty confused by all of this because I never said anything bad about them or posted anything negative, yet they apparently felt the need to say negative things about me? 

It feels weird to grieve the loss of friendships that were never real, but I got my hopes up and felt that these were real. Maybe it hurts even more to realize that the whole thing was one sided. I don't know. 

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IN WHICH I UPDATE Y'ALL ON MY LIFE

 

It's been awhile. 

I've been really focused on some things that were taking up all my time and energy, but there have been some changes which makes me hopeful that my goals will get back on track. 

First of all, this cutest little thing was born. Her first name that I tried out was Fauna, but it doesn't quite fit her...so we are back to the drawing board. She's pretty darn adorable, and I 100% do not mind her taking up a bunch of my time. 

I've been prepping to launch two new little businesses via my farm. Warmest Regards which will be hand spun yarn! Eventually I hope to have my own sheep or alpacas to spin with, but for now I'm learning to spin and dye these things. It should be super fun. The other is The Midnight Hippie which is a self care product shop made with farm fresh ingredients, like goats milk from my Nigerian Dwarf herd of dairy goats and honey from my hive. I also still have Neon Daisy Co. of course. (click the title of any shop to find it online)

I'm also making moves to upgrade my horse life. Follow that journey here. Click here!

One of the things I had to give up was partnering with my friend, Erin for the farm school. Although I loved having a job focused on horses, my heart is not in teaching beginners. And as a fledgling business, it required a large time commitment. Being that I live an hour away from the farm where the school is hosted it was just too much of a time commitment for me, and it was taking away from my own farm. Everyone seems to want the tea on my leaving Sonoran Daisy, so that's it. 

No big fight. Erin and I are still friends. I adore her. I adore her kids. There was no drama. Just a decision between the two of us to do what was best for me, for her, and for the school and for my farm. 

I've been slowly working on all my works in progress. The meNoir is coming along, but I'll be honest I have to work on that one slowly because it tends to release a lot of trauma. For my own mental health, that one is taking as long as it takes. Now my Lucifer book, that one is just pouring out. I can picture those characters so vividly that they just sort of write the story themselves. I'm so excited for this one. My necromancer story is on hold for a bit. I'm working some things out with the magic system, plus Lucifer is taking up all of my brain. 

What have y'all been up to?

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